More stuff

- The internship at Bangalore is done. It was only a minor disappointment, not an outright disaster like my first job was. I am taking that to mean that my professional life is moving in the right direction.

Much Indian food was eaten, lot of TT was played, about half a dozen blogs were written in office and maybe, just maybe, a tiny contribution was made to the field of..................... nah, not really, who am I kidding?


- You know who are the scariest people in the blogosphere? The Grammar Nazis, that's who.

You write a comment somewhere and somebody comes and says

"Whoa! What's this? The subject of your gerund is not in the possessive case here. This completely invalidates the six paragraph comment that you have written on evolutionary sociology."

Considering that English is the second language for most of us, it's surprising that there are hundreds of such people.

Crazy stuff, but its motivated me to go and buy this.

Watch out Grammar Nazis, I am going to beat you at your own game.


- I know that the "English is a very phunny language" thing is getting really stale, but I just discovered that the word 'its' doesn't have an apostrophe when it's used as a possessive pronoun.

I mean, the guys who invented this language, did they even want people to get things right?

I had my English teacher drill this into my head "Plurals: no apostrophe, Possessive pronoun: apostrophe". And now, after they invented a weird looking character just so that they could attach it to possessive pronouns, they decided not to use it on the most commonly used PP of all.

M update: 2 weeks to go.

M had the Gruhapravesh for her new house on Friday.

If you thinking that M and K are being progressive and moving into their new house two weeks before marriage(as sort of a training camp for the real thing), please be informed that nothing of the sort is happening. M continues to dutifully take care of her parents at home(something she started doing from the time her marriage was finalized) and K continues to enjoy the last few days of bachelorhood.

Btw, please take a look at the photos of the bathroom at the new house. See how there is almost as much clearance behind the commode as there is in front of it, with the result that a reasonably tall person using it will scrape his/her knees against the wall? Apparently the room has been designed according to Vaastu-Shaastra, such that the water flows out in the right direction.



What's a little discomfort when you can get health, wealth and prosperity, eh?

Fair and lovely?

Just finished reading this post by the wannabe punkster.


I personally don't have a problem with people believing that fair people are better looking than darker people, or that thin people are better looking than fat people. I dont' consider that racist. Everybody has a right to have their personal definition of beauty and I don't make judgements about how shallow or how profound those definitions are. I don't really care if people will only marry women who are thin, or men who are rich("well-settled"), because their life is their problem.

But I think it's deplorable when somebody pressures others into changing their lifestyle based on a personal sense of beauty. I think you're a disgrace if you discourage a daughter or niece from playing sport just because you think fair is beautiful. I think you should be ashamed of yourself if you have ever convinced a friend or a relative to go on an unhealthy crash diet, just so that they can become thin.

And, finally, I believe that HLL should be held accountable, not for endorsing the view that [fair=lovely], but for pressuring people with the myth: [not fair = failure].

Analysis of differences in behavior across genders

Keeping in mind my promise to provide serious programming, I will share with you some of the profound thoughts that came to my mind when I was eating rava-idly at Adiga's.

/*Begin flashback*/

One day, I walked into my friend's house and there was a girl there who had recently moved to Orlando.

Friend : "XYZ meet Kaushik, Kaushik meet XYZ".

Both XYZ and I give unconcerned 'Yeah, whatever' nods to each other.

Friend : "She is also from Bangalore, she has just come back from holiday there. "


Now, almost all the Indian people at my university are either from Kammam (a small town in Andhra Pradesh) or from Madurai (a tiny village in Tamil Nadu), so incredible happiness came at seeing a fellow Banglorean.(You know, the kind of happiness where you close your eyes and suddenly there is greenery all around, with tiny river flowing, birds chirping, rainbow displaying itself, etc...)

Me : "Sivvaaaa, so you are from Bangalore aa. You just went there? What all did you eat there? Which all restaurants did you go to?"

XYZ : "Yeah, I ate chaat somewhere."

Me : "What do you mean you ate chaat somewhere? That's like saying I had food. Don't you know that chaat at Shanti Sagar is an intrinsically different entity from the chaat at the street shop at Jayanagar. How can you go to Bangalore and not remember what you ate? Blah Blah Blah Blah.............................."

XYZ is completely shocked at this display of psycho-giri from a stranger and Friend walks away to the kitchen.

/* End flashback */

So, as I recalled similar incidents from the past, a grand plan of action formed in my mind that I will unveil here.

I propose a research project to investigate the anecdotal evidence that suggests that women are more likely than men to order poori-masale at Adiga's[1]. If this evidence is found to be true, I propose that we analyze if this difference in behavior is due to inherent genetic differences, or if it is a result of social conditioning by the patriarchy. If this gender imbalance is found to have been caused by social factors, I propose that we tackle it by starting public awareness programs to educate women about their right to eat rava-idly at Adiga's.




[1] If you don't understand the terms involved, I will explain with an analogy. Imagine a genie grants a woman a wish, and she asks for a date with Andy Bichel. Nothing wrong with it, of course, but one is entitled to ask "Why???".

Blogging

I had an epiphany on the ride to work this morning. I realized that I was becoming too much like Navjot Singh Sidhu, that my posts have degenerated into a steady stream of absurdity.

So, in the interests of maintaining my loyal readership, I have decided to reinvent myself. I intend to post about completely serious stuff for a while.

I will explain how Microsoft Powerpoint presentations are the most depraved form of human communication, instead of telling you about the time I managed to get shaving cream in my nose and sneezed 17 times.

I will write the tragic story of my short-lived, ill-advised career as a waiter, instead of talking about the time I escaped from a bunch of hijras by doing a spectacular Reggie Bush imitation.

I will take up arms against Section 498A.

I will share the painstaking research on world religions that I have done using Wikipedia and explain my conclusion that I have a 13.5 percent chance of going to heaven.

I will, however, continue to provide updates on M's wedding and on any interesting events that might happen during my travel on BMTC buses.


-KG

Why do people blog?

A friend asked me this question recently and I didn't have a good answer.

I guess because they can write stuff like this, this and this.


And, occasionally, because they can write something like this.

Kill the bill

I read this article about the Broadcast bill.

It says that rights for all national and international sporting events that would be notified by the Government would have to be mandatorily shared with the Government by the private broadcasters.

In the case of cricket, the Bill states that the private broadcaster will have to share the broadcasting rights with the public broadcasters Doordarshan and All India Radio for all One Day International (ODIs) matches in which India plays, at home or abroad, and the semi-finals and finals of all international cricket tournaments whether India plays in those matches or not.

And this one.

“In the event of war or a natural calamity of national magnitude, the Central Government may, in public interest, take over the control and management of any of the broadcasting services or any facility connected therewith, suspend its operation or entrust the public service broadcaster to manage it, in the manner directed by the Government for such period as it deems fit,” the draft bill states.

It's amazing how we define public interest, no? The public is interested in cricket, therefore it is in public interest for the government to steal broadcast rights from their rightful owners.

This practice (which is taking place currently) would probably have been ruled unconstitutional by the courts. So what does the government do? It creates a law that writes a blatantly unfair practice into the constitution. Evil genius.

And it is, of course, in public interest for the government to have complete monopoly over the press during war. Has anybody heard of Comical Ali?


We need to act to preserve our freedoms. We need to kill the bill.


-KG

Stuff

- My blog is the first page to come up when you google "never-ending parade of idiocy".
How cool is that, huh? More importantly, how fitting is that???

- Sincere apologies to the guy who seached for "the mythology of randomization" and ended up at this site.

- So, I'm taking the bus back home, sitting quietly and not bothering anybody. Then these two kids sitting right behind me start singing loudly. I sit quietly, waiting for their parents to get them to shut up. Doesn't happen. Instead with a few kind words from their parents, they start reciting the Telugu alphabet at the top of their voices, for half an hour.

Does loud noise from behind one's head generally cause homicidal tendencies, or is it just that I'm weird?

And oh, before someone asks, the only redeeming feature of the bus ride was mostly standing way in front, out of view for most of the time.

One night stand

I woke up and she was looking dreamily at me. We just looked at each other absently, just lying around lazily for a bit. We didn't have anything to say to each other. We didn't really know each other you see, it was just that one night.

We got up and looked out of the window for a while. The view was beautiful I guess, you could see emptiness in every direction, not one person in sight. We took the occasional peek at each other, but looked away when our eyes met. We didn't really know each other you see, it was just that one night.

When we finally stepped out of the door, it was cool and breezy. We still didn't have any words for each other, just a quiet look of farewell before we went our separate ways.

We didn't really know each other you see, we just had berths opposite each other in the Bangalore mail.


PS: Inspired, of course, by the countless email forwards of this type that go around.

Update: If you dont know which forwards I am talking about:

The ones where it initially seems like someone is doing it/ has done it/ will do it.

Scroll down, scroll down, scroll down and finally there is a perfectly innocent explanation for it. It's just a problem from geometry class, what did you think?

Those kind of forwards.

Access to Blogspot is back!!!

Dhingichikki, dhan dhan dhan dhan.

Oye, dhingichikki, dhan dhan dhan dhan.

/*Does a series of pelvic thrusts while whistling loudly. Colleagues in office look on in stunned silence.*/


Update: Or is it? Weird things are happening.

Ode to a pretty bus conductor

I tolerate all the bumps without making a fuss,
I don't even mind, I think nobody really does,
cos riding slowly in this khataara BTMC bus,
are you(pretty woman) and me, the two of us.

You look so divine, your eyes are wondrous,
you smile enchantingly as you take my Rs dus,
riding happily in this khataara BTMC bus,
are you(pretty woman) and me, the two of us.

I would really love to ask you to be my missus,
but then these guys will cause a huge ruckus,
so riding quietly in this khataara BTMC bus,
are you(pretty woman) and me, the two of us.

TP

- Have I mentioned anything about how pretty Bangalore's female bus conductors are?


- So, in my quest for the perfect radio station, I am listening to something called FM Rainbow.

They play great music, but the anchor I listened to did some funny things. At one point, she talked for 3 minutes about how great XYZ song was and then said "Oh sorry, XYZ song is not working, so let me play ABC song instead".

AIR is surprisingly good, by the way.


- How's this for a pick-up line?

"O Watery-eyed woman, please tell me your good name."

A never-ending parade of idiocy

Quotes from government officials on the ban on Blogspot.com and my comments in italics.

We would like those people to come forward who access these (the 12) radical websites and please explain to us what are they missing from their lives in the absence of these sites.

All you need in life is some food and a roof over your head. Why do people bother about trivial things like freedom and democracy?

"According to sources, the rationale for blocking these websites and blogs is to prevent foreign terrorists from communicating with the cell networks in India."

Yes, of course. The terrorists couldn't have heard of group email.

This operation is limited to certain parts of India. Bloggers in Andaman, Nicobar and Lakhsadeep islands are not affected.

Thankful for small mercies.

Somebody must have blocked some sites. What is your problem?

God bless us all.



PS: Title credit: A cricket commentator during the Lara-Dhoni incident.

PPS: I cannot access my blog so I will not respond to any comments for a while.

PPPS: The best part is that BSNL seems to have been among the last ISPs to enforce the government ban. Long live the babudom.

India trip update

- Lunch at N's house made my trip worthwhile, special thanks to his mom. Happy to report that copious amounts of Indian food have been eaten, and that waistline has expanded suitably.


- Not so happy to report that I have donated a large quantity of blood to the mosquito population of Yelehanka.

No, I have not lived my entire life on the banks of the river Thames, but I have not lived right next door to a marsh the size of a football field either. Thank you.


- M marriage update: Not only has M finished buying the 15 sarees she requires for the wedding, she has also managed to buy clothes for each one of the 2500 close relatives and friends whom she has invited for the wedding. Received my kurta yesterday with immense gratitude, no need for me to decide what to wear and get abused by everybody for my weird taste.


- What do you think about this?

RTI act

My brother talks about how the RTI act can affect our lives.


In my opinion, the best thing about this act is that it takes away our biggest excuses. That the politicians, who are all lying thieves, are ruining the country and there is nothing we can do about it. That we have to pay bribes, because there is no way we can get our work done without paying them.

If this act fails to do any good, as it very well might, it will be because we failed, because we didn't care enough. It will be because the great Indian middle class chose it's convenience over it's convictions, because it chose to do nothing when government officials were not doing their jobs.

My award winning documentary: KLMAWHWFIC

Having been inspired by that modern day classic HAHK, I have decided to make a documentary about my friend M's marriage to K called K Loves M And Weds Her With Fascinating Indian Ceremony.


I cannot give full details, but here are some things the movie will feature:

- Random Aunty saying: "You see, this was a match made in heaven. You see, even in the English alphabet there is only L(love) between K & M, no?"
/* Wiggling her eyebrows to indicate that she is impressed by her own cleverness while dhingchak music plays in background*/

- M's father's paternal uncle's neighbor, who is attending the wedding because M's father and his(neighbor's) sons used to play lagori together when they were kids.

- Less than 2000 people turning up for the reception /* To introduce an element of tragedy*/

- Me sneaking a voice recorder into the, ahem, honeymoon suite. /* Sorry M, but public will not watch if you don't put a little masala, no? */



Is there any doubt at all that KLMAWHWFIC is going to be India's entry for the 2007 Oscars?

The Mumbai blasts

Incredible sadness, unbridled rage and then, inexplicably, a surreal sense of calm.



Please leave a comment.

Rhyme

I was going along in a train one night,
completely happy I could've sworn.
They played one Bhangra song too many,
and as a result, this blog was born.

I was watching the cricket one day,
Team India was getting flogged.
When I saw a horrendous Pathan ad,
I yelled, I screamed, I blogged.

I was walking back home one time,
my life seemed completely wrong.
I looked at everything around me,
and I wrote this tragic song.

I am "at work" right now,
trying to kill some time.
I get some sudden inspiration,
and I write this silly rhyme.




Sorry, was bored. -KG

Free speech and street harassment

I was reading about the Blank Noise Project and I found this excerpt from the relevant law on street harassment on their site:

Word, gesture or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman. Whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any woman, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, or that such gesture or object shall be seen, by such woman, or intrudes upon the privacy of such woman, shall be punished with simple imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year, or with fine, or with both.

I have to say that I find the language a little too broad for my liking.

I am not sure a free society can give it's citizens blanket protection from unpleasant situations without seriously encroaching upon civil liberties. I think that it is extremely important that a law dealing with street harassment makes a clear distinction between provably illegal actions and plain creepy behavior.

Touching people without permission, following people around, making threatening remarks, these are obvious violations of the victim's rights. It is obvious that these actions should be criminalized.

But I am not sure that giving one lecherous look, passing one inappropriate comment or hitting on a girl once should be illegal(if it happens regularly, it is definitely harassment). These actions are undoubtedly offensive, they are undeniably immoral, but I do not believe that they should be against the law.


I believe that people who act in this way should be socially ostracized, I believe that the objects of their attention should have the option of suing them but I do not believe that the state should prosecute them. I think that these actions should be legal ways of self-expression, even if they are morally unacceptable. To give individuals the right to self-expression only if they use it in a way that does not offend anybody, is to effectively deny them that right.


Why should we place an academic concept like free speech over the feelings of so many innocent people? Because once we start curtailing individual freedoms for the greater good of the community, it is incredibly hard to know when to stop. I think it is extremely dangerous for a free society to go down that road.

Strategy

I have written about this place before, remember?


I am thinking about adopting an "If you can't beat them, join them" policy.

Gift ideas?

M is getting married soon and I have been thinking about her wedding gift.

Only gift idea so far :

Pack of WWF cards : To provide entertainment during occasional moments of boredom during honeymoon.

More ideas, anyone?

Another thought

It is becoming increasingly pointless for me to mourn my many failures, so I have started celebrating them instead.

Something that I internalized sub-consciously from a famous Hindi song.

Radio troubles

One of the things that I missed most during my time away from Bangalore was listening to Radio City early every morning. I missed waking up to Sunaina Lal every morning. I missed the "study holidays" in college, when I spent 4 hours every day listening to Sheetal Iyer talk about old Hindi songs.


Now that I am back, I find the current radio scene in the city does not really suit my taste. Instead of "Good Morning Bangalore" with Sunaina Lal, Radio City has devotional music in the mornings.

Radio Mirchi has decent Hindi music, but the RJs and the ads are pretty annoying. And they take their tagline "More dhak-dhak, less bak-bak" to an extreme, their RJs never ever talk about the songs they play.


Another sign that I have gotten too old: I am thinking back fondly of the times I spent listening to the radio. Just have to get used to living with Raaga I guess.

Matrimonial ad

/* Inspired by A(who got married recently), B and C(who are getting married soon). */



Wannabe professor (24/170cm/Negligible salary) seeks alliance from any girl who is interested.

Prospective groom is generally not considered good looking, but prospective groom blames that on a widespread prejudice in society against people looking like stereotypical drug dealers.

Prospective groom has occasionally been called crazy, but is only slightly daft in a harmless, goofy sort of way.

Prospective groom is growing slightly bald, but manages to hide the fact pretty well by not having haircuts.

Education and occupation of girl no bar, but girls working as conductors in BMTC given preference.

Leave comment with details if interested.

Siddhartha Vaidyanathan on Dravid's innings

You can find the complete article here .

An excerpt:

He left with authority, exaggerated shouldering of arms and all, defended with expertise and attacked with precision. Yesterday he was the shock absorber; today he shocked with his control.

Delightful stuff.

A life-changing experience?

So, I ended up sharing an auto last night with a completely drunk fellow passenger who was tremendously interested in conversing with me.


We were exchanging the usual inanities, when my drunk friend asked me (in Hindi) "So, what do you do?".

Me: "Engineering student."

At this point my friend launched into an amazingly insightful analysis of how too many people mindlessly join engineering colleges, how there is not enough entrepreneurship in this country, and how entrepreneurs actually help society by maximizing their personal productivity.

I have a strong suspicion that this might have been like one of the classic situations in Hindu mythology where one of the gods comes in disguise to put a misguided bhakta on the right track.

Anyway, tremendous urge comes to chuck this PhD thing and to become a full-time Amway Independent Business Owner.

The Great voice from the clouds might not be too happy though. Wouldnt want to lose out on her blessings, would we?